from overheardeverywhere.com:

At the Bad First Date Olympics

Woman eating Chinese food to man sitting across: Why don't you try some? It's good.
Man in creepy English accent: No, I get equal or more pleasure watching you eat.

Vancouver
Canadia

This made me laugh really hard. Man, he'd LOVE me.

UPDATE: also...

Girl outside changing room: How are those other pants working for you, Jen?
Girl in changing room, frustrated: I feel like the devil himself crafted them to make a mockery of my ass.

ahahahahaha