I want to be challenged.

Hellooooooo

Welp. I feel like this year went by hella fast. I still feel like the new kid at the office even though I'm no longer the last one hired (2 newbies after me!) and I've been here 11 months. The first six months of being here crawled by. I was miserable. I had anxiety attacks about work. And frankly, unless you have a job involving human lives or millions of dollars, you should not have that much stress about work. Seriously. Thinks have improved dramatically since switching offices. I have a set schedule of 9:30-6:30 (no more overtime pay though :( ) and if I need to take some time off I don't stress out a shit load. Not everything is the end of the world, it's much nicer. I'm very thankful for the change and I need to remember it more frequently. I get annoyed very easily by certain individuals and I need to choke that down and remember how good I have it.

Which brings me to another point. It is so hard for me to stay motivated when those above me are not. I have frequently put in a lot of work on projects and then had others sit on it for a week or two before they apply the work I've done to anything. This means that I will work intensely for a period of time and then sit around and blog while they dilly dally. If I had a steady pace of work I would be more motivated and productive. I work better under pressure and i hate when things linger. So i guess what I'm saying is that i feel as if i'm being under used here. i'm an assistant. i answer phones. everyone does it at some point and i know that i'm necessary, but i almost wish i did this job for three days a week because if i put my mind to it, i really could do all of my work for the week in 3 days instead of dragging it out to fit five days.

i want to be challenged. i really do feel like i'm getting stupider. i miss the feeling of proof reading a paper and being proud of what i've written. the stress and the lack of sleep were icky but the thought process involved was stimulating. i loved being conscious of an evolution of ideas in my brain. it's like a snowball effect. you have an idea that rolls around and expands in your head and keeps evolving and growing and suddenly you've reached these whole new levels of thinking on a topic.

but instead i read perez hilton and facebook and blog. if anything, at least blogging is writing. sorry if people don't like my giant posts. oh well. i'll cut it off here.